By: Greg Gaughan, CEO, Tempus Innovations
I’ve always believed that great leaders possess humility, self-awareness and strong listening skills. As I learn and grow in a new chapter of my career as a business owner, I find that these traits and skills, while not easy to master, are equally as important to the entrepreneur as the people leader. While starting a new journey this year, I took pause to remember the great teachers I’ve had and the lessons learned over the years.
The best listener I ever met was someone I worked with years ago in New York. He never told me he was a good listener, or that I was a bad one. I figured those out when he would listen to me in a meeting. Two things happened, I felt like I was the only other person in the room, and I felt like my opinion mattered. I was an “engaged” employee and research proved years later that “My Opinion Matters” is a key if not the most important engagement question. (see: First, Break All the Rules).
Watching someone role model a desired skill can bring a heavy dose of self-awareness. I had a natural high energy and motivational style, but also realized my passion came with talking first, interrupting and often being distracted. I had lots to work on, so the journey began.
As I work on my own listening, I’ve become a keen observer of other’s skills. The best listeners look directly at me and always ask good questions. They listen to my words, tone of voice and watch body language and other cues to really understand me. It seems that their listening skills are grounded in humility and curiosity, which are also traits of great leaders.
Less skilled listeners often over-process information. They hear only what they need to know to sell, answer a specific question or solve a problem. While comfortable communicating information through emails, texts and social media, they may miss opportunities to engage through face to face conversation. Technology isn’t to blame, as it is a great enabler of efficiency and scale in communicating. But it’s not a substitute for personal interaction as intellectual curiosity and sparks of genius come as much from listening to the sound and soul of a person as a spreadsheet. When conversations sound like depositions, we’re talking, but not creating something bigger than ourselves.
The surprise for many is how great or Level 5 leaders got that way by working effectively out of the spotlight. Larger group meetings and presentations are important for communication and engagement, but what make or breaks a leader is how well and how often they interact with people in smaller settings. Great leaders listen well, have an interest in people and engage through actions more than words. You can tell a strong leader by listening to people that work for them - everyone “knows” them or feels like they do, and they want to work for them because of who they are and why they lead.
As for me, 20 years later I’m still working on it. Things I do to improve listening are meditate (don’t laugh) to help me focus and slowing down, which includes not “prepping” something I want to say next while the other person is speaking. I don’t worry about forgetting what I was going to say. If I do forget, it wasn’t that important.
While I will always be working at becoming a better listener, I take comfort in the fact that leadership is a process and a journey and, if you have some self-awareness, you’re always moving forward. Finally, if nothing else works, may I suggest a tactic I use on my teenager who no longer listens to me - unplug the Wi-Fi for a couple of hours when they get home from school. Amazing what happens next…